Sex & the Single Mom: Learning to Love Again

learning-to-love-again(Single Mom Club: – Cupid has been tracking me on a GPS for years. Six and a half years to be exact, which is exactly how long I’ve been celibate. I managed to outsmart, outwit and outlast his clever antics until recently when his upgraded bow and arrow landed directly in my heart as if it had a homing device.

While he made a direct hit to my heart, Cupid missed my head so while my heart is leaning toward allowing myself to feel and experience the love and comfort of a man, my head ain’t going for it. It’s been a pretty serious fight going on internally for me since I met “Mr. No Backing Down.” Continue reading


FREE CLOTHING for single moms and families in need

black mom with childIt’s getting cold and you’re not getting any richer. If you’re in need of clothing for you or  your children, this thread will be helpful. We’ll be adding to the list by major city as we obtain the information starting with NYC.

New York City clothing closets and thrift stores.

The greater New York City area has dozens of clothing closets and thrift stores. Centers are located in all boroughs, including Queens, Brooklyn, and Manhattan. While some of the locations will provide free items, baby supplies, work attire, and more to low income, other centers will sell gently used items. In addition to providing clothing, some of the New York City centers will offer additional aid, such as food, shelter, or referrals to emergency assistance. If a location is not near you, or can’t meet your needs, then they can often provide referrals to other programs or local charities.

single moms school clothes at thrift storeMost of the centers rely heavily on donations from the community. Resources are always limited, and unfortunately not everyone will be able to receive free clothing or other support. Some of the items in highest demand tend to be winter coats for children, professional suits or dresses, shoes, and also assistance around the holidays. So those items will be distributed in short order. Some of the New York City thrift stores may also sell gently used furniture, cribs, or appliances. If your income is low enough, the clothing closet or thrift store may provide a voucher so you can receive the item for free. Continue reading

FREEBIES: National Fried Chicken Day and beyond

Hey Moms! It’s FINALLY National Fried Chicken Day and you’re going to love it because we’ve got the full list of places to get your grub on for free or at a discount!

Boston Market: Get an Oven Crisp Chicken Meal for just $7.99

Brown’s Chicken & Pasta: While the offer isn’t specific to National Fried Chicken Day, a meal of 8 Boneless Wings, Regular Fries and a Biscuit is only $4.99

Carl’s Jr/Hardee’s: Get a spicy Chicken Sandwich with small fries and a drink for $4.00 Continue reading

FAMILY TREE: Are you doing enough to leave a legacy for your children? Consider the THREE M’s: Money. Memories. Mommy.

SingleMomEXCLUSIVE: Written exclusively for The Single Mom Club Membership

( – My bestie for life and I rarely see each other kind of like the movie, “Beaches.” We live in different states and as busy single moms it’s not be that easy to pull off. But our lives have always paralleled each other. If she does something, not much long after it happens to me and vice versa. That’s why when she was hospital bound for five months hoping her child would be born, I sent her baby clothes and gifts. It was risky. I was warned not to do it. I’m not unfeeling and insensitive, but I already knew she was going to have a baby because I had my child about a year earlier.

When I told her I was pregnant and I wanted her to be the godmother, she told me she’d just had a miscarriage.  I felt bad but she said she was happy. I didn’t hold back details during the pregnancy – not even when I suffered domestic violence – because I wanted her to share the pregnancy with me. My child was born on the same day as her godmother. How much more involved is that?

There were probably days that she felt she needed to put the baby clothes away while she was in the hospital, but I knew that seeing the items would give her motivation to do whatever it took to become a mom. Her son – who I think of as my surrogate son – was born and today is on track to be an amazing man when he grows up. He reminds me of Klay Thompson from the Golden State Warriors.  When she sent me a photo of him wearing one of the outfits, it was like an affirmation. A true miracle.

My bestie and I fret over what I call the THREE M’s: Money. Memories. Mommy. As single moms, there is never enough money. We bust our humps to provide for our children now and in the future. We talk about 529 plans to ensure they go to college. Ironically, we met in college when we became roommates. We discuss the best foods to feed them, how to afford sports activities and clothing. We spend a lot of time making sure our children’s memories are as happy as possible.

I’ve been struggling with a custody battle from hell while she’s managed to remain cordial with her child’s father who lives in the Caribbean.  As my child and are fighting to end the nightmare that we’ve been trapped in, I am overly concerned that I leave a legacy. I’ve been meeting with financial planners, attorneys and bankers. I’ve been rearranging my company to ensure she’s got a job if she wants it. I’ve been doing a lot of planning that sure feels a lot like estate planning. So now I’m moving into the phase I’m calling LEGACY BUILDING. I want her to know me – the me before I was a mom and the me after. I want her to know her dad – even though he’s not in our lives – I’ve been planning for the day that she goes bat shit crazy trying to know more about him. I don’t her to feel empty or have a void so I’ve prepared a document with his full name, address, date of birth, social security number (we were engaged so of course I have this information.) I’ve tried to include stuff about the good sides of  him, his medical history that I can recall, his family tree so she will know the names of his side of the family should she ever want to go there.

If you’re wanting to leave a legacy with your children here are a few tips that you should think about incorporating into your life:

  1. YOUR LIFE IN PHOTOS: It’s time to start taking as many photos and videos of you WITH your children as possible. I call it a VISUAL LEGACY. Selfies don’t cut it, unless the kids are in the photo. Don’t just take photos, get them printed out. Put them in a scrap book and write names of the people and dates the photos were taken on the back. Your children should see you smiling. Your children should see you pregnant. Your children should see you kissing them. Those are three of the most important photos your children will want to see.freeprints photographs for freeInstead of just taking a photo, switch to video. Have your children yell out something like, “We’re in Los Angeles” then say their name and ages: “Hi, I’m LuLu. I’m six. What I want to be when I grow up is….” Then when they’re older, it will be a blast to see if they stayed with that childhood dream. Video tape them playing sports. Make sure to email it to yourself so you have it for later.To get started on your photo scrap book, here’s some great deals:
    * FREE Prints: Now’s your chance to make the memories last for you and others. Make enough for grandparents, godparents and more. The FreePrints App gives you 1,000 FREE 4×6 photo prints per year. Access photos on your iPhone, Android or Windows Phone and Facebook™, Instagram™, Flickr™, or Picasa™ accounts. No subscriptions and no commitments. All you pay for is shipping.
    * FREE 8×10 PHOTO
    : Go to and use promo code: FREEPIC4U. Also, get 50% off your order using VIP promo code: WALGREENS50.
    * 50 FREE prints and a photo book for just 99cents. Go to CVS online and use promo code: BOOK99. Expires at the end of June 2016.

    Now you have NO EXCUSE to start building a visual legacy. You can even print from Facebook and your cell phone.

  2. YOUR LIFE in MONEY: Whether you are a single mother attending college for the first time or returning to school, there are many scholarships and grants (free money that you NEVER have to pay back) aimed at helping you succeed. As a single mother, your best approach is to capture as much general aid as you can. A possible source of funding can come from scholarships created specifically for women and single mothers. When you’re looking for these scholarships, consider your major or future profession. Are you interested in the STEMs (science, technology, engineering, and math)? Women are often underrepresented in these areas, so there are a number of awards from national industry groups. Were you a Girl Scout? They offer scholarships to former members who are going into STEM fields. Get started here.Educational specialties like science, technology, engineering, and math offer great opportunities for women seeking generous scholarships and well-paying careers. Here are just a few:
    • The Selected Professions Fellowships offers awards between $5,000 and $20,000 for women entering graduate or post-graduate degree programs in STEM fields.
    • The Association for Women in Mathematics offers the Alice T. Schafer Mathematics Prize to undergraduate women studying the field of mathematics.
    • The Patsy Takemoto Mink Education Foundation offers awards to low-income mothers in order to assist with living or direct school expenses.
  3. YOUR LIFE in FOOD: Cooking with your child can be one of the best (and inexpensive) ways to bond, share family traditions and pass down recipes. If you cannot cook, don’t worry. The Single Mom Club’s “Cooking Classes for Single Moms” will get you up to speed. Kids will remember the act of doing the cooking with you not just the food that they eat. The memory is what we’re going for her so perfection should not be the goal. Here’s some simple ways to leave a legacy with food.
    free hashbrowns at Waffle House 2016Even if you’re on a budget and cannot afford to take your children out-to-eat, we’re going to show you how it can be done. In our special article entitled, “KIDS EAT FREE” we list thousands of free options. Plus, everyone eats FREE on their birthday. So you’ll have to get a calendar and do a little planning but you can – AND WILL – take your children out to eat. Some restaurants give two meals for each adults so you can really achieve this goal by knowing which restaurants do what. Some places like Chick-fil-A and McDonald’s have a free family night so on top of food you get a chance to do arts and crafts and have a special evening with your child.

NUMBERS FOUR and FIVE will be revealed over the weekend in order to give you time to absorb the first three points. This is a marathon. Not a race.

KIDS EAT FREE: Thousands of restaurants where Kids Eat Free (or almost free) to help you make memories and meet the budget

KidseatFree - Black Single moms guide to feeding her family( – For children, eating isn’t as important as playing but it’s just as important to their development and their future. When single moms like us want to treat our children to amazing memories, food is an easy go to. But sometimes it’s hard to find the money – or the time – to eat out. That’s simply not true. Using the exclusive “Kids Eat Free” guide by The Single Mom Club, you can create a weekly tradition of eating out (and doing homework at dinner) that will help your kids learn etiquette, equality and give them a sense of specialness that can last a lifetime.

I originally created this blog to help other single moms like me survive the epic costs of parenthood, but soon some of my married friends and single dads were gravitating to this blog. If you’re not a single mom, please try to not abuse the openness of this blog. If you can afford to take your family of five out and you’re married, please don’t use this blog. It makes it even harder for single moms when the privileges are abused. But, having said that please consider adopting a single mom household and helping them out whenever you can.

Monday’s at smashburger you can get a free kids meal with purchase of a regular burger or salad. Their kids meals are pretty big. My 2 year old and I can share one. – Katie, mother of one

Thousands of restaurants participate in Kids Eat Free promotions. I’ve picked out a few that will likely be in every town no matter where you live in the U.S.A. Enjoy the list! Don’t forget to email photos of you and the kids enjoying the food. If  you don’t see a restaurant on the list in your town, please be sure to share it in the comments. REMEMBER: Offers sometimes change in more rural areas, so call ahead when possible.

*Acapulco Restaurant Y Cantina
Every Tuesday, get one free kid’s meal from the kid’s menu per regular-priced adult entrée. Go here for details.

On Tuesdays or Wednesdays, Kids can eat for just $0.99 (possibly free) at participating locations. Be sure to contact your local restaurant as this promotion tends to vary greatly by region.

*Backyard Burger
On Tuesdays from 4PM to close, buy one adult combo meal and get a kids meal Free for kids 12 and under.

In Columbia, SC:   Red Bowl Asian Bistro $.99 Kids Meals on Monday.   Also, Moe’s charges $.99 for Kids Meals on Tuesday in our town.
– Christi, mom of two

*Black-eyed Pea
On Tuesdays from 4PM-10PM, kids ages 12 and under eat free from the kids menu when an adult purchases a full-price entrée. Go here to view the Kid’s Menu in your area.

*Bob Evans
Every Tuesday is Family Night where kids can eat Free with the purchase of an Adult Entree! Go here to find a restaurant near you. Continue reading