(www.TheSingleMomClub.com) – Whether the relationship ended in divorce like Bethenny Frankel, a long time relationship ended after quickly like Lamar Odom and Liza Morales or the woman chose to be a single mom, the paths may be different but the ending is the same.
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Still, in the recent weeks we’ve seen mistresses take it too far, ex wives (or soon to be) like Khloe Kardashian has been so aggressive with Lamar it’s like she’s auditioning for a role on Basketball Wives L.A. instead of being concerned for his children. It was like staking claim and it was awkward to watch.
She’s become kind of stalkerish with her decision to hoard Lamar’s hospital time, restrict who can come and who cannot and attempt to milk Lamar’s medical crisis while playing “grieving widow.”
No one seems to be buying – at least outside the E! paid media group. Some are calling her “selfish” and even “Black widow.” Some say Khloe’s being #SlutShamed because he’s banged more rappers than a drum machine during her marriage to Lamar. Her last couple of tweet proves the point that some are making because the tweets are all about her and her new lover, James Harden. Even though Lamar has woken up, is talking and seems to be on the mend, Khloe is holding out for a BIG payday interview to give her “first reactions.”
Khloe’s publicists and other reps have tried to silence media outlets that aren’t playing the “poor Khloe” game. She’s trying to stop their divorce because without Lamar the cameras no longer care about what she’s doing. Khloe’s so afraid to lose the media attention she’s actually milking the heck out of this situation.
The Kardashian family circus has even the youngest member of their family acting like a garden tool. Kylie Jenner recently attended the birthday party of her rapper boyfriend’s son – without his mother present. Oddly, Kanye took his daughter to the party, despite the fact that he was friends with both Blac Chyna and Tyga. Even Chris Brown brought his daughter. Talk about messy. But it’s also an opportunity to discuss how to handle birthdays and holidays while co-parenting.
While watching the Lamar medical crisis coverage, one person emerged a star: Liza Morales, the single mom of Lamar’s three children.
“Liza has been a rock for the kids,” said a source close to the situation. “Khloe has been slinging mud but Liza has been mature and professional and concerned only for her children and their father.”
While Khloe’s come across as a controlling hypocrite for faking footage of Lamar “stalking” her then holding camp at his bedside, Liza has been gaining the respect of the public. She’s been doing what many want: Making the situation about the children and their father not about herself.
TIPS for CO-PARENTING in MESSY TIMES
So how should you handle a difficult co-parenting moment? How do you keep from allowing another person to run over your children? Here’s a few tips to make it easier for everyone, especially the kids.
1. Start with a ‘timeout’
Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”
If you can’t do it yourself, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. Having an objective third party guide you can be incredibly helpful.
2. Play to your ex’s strengths
“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, Oak Park father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”
Tucker has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia and takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife and her husband work well together to parent the children.
“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”
3. Commit to cooperation
Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, says Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, West Bloomfield mother of Seth, 14, but it does require cooperation.
“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”
Because her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen has her son full-time. However, when he wants to see his dad or vice versa, they bend over backwards to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.
4. Set high intentions
Keely Henry did not want the ugliness of her divorce to run her life or affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”
Henry and her ex celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together – including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman he left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”
5. Check your ego at the door
While it is tempting to play into the “lizard brain” fear that your children will love your ex more than they love you, it’s immature and stupid. Resist the urge.
“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”
Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.
“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”
See the rest of the tips here.
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