My Main Purpose

Single Southern Mommy

On February 11 2004 I gave birth to my first child my son Tyler, He was premature. He was a real fighter and he forever changed my life. He passed away one month and a day later. My love for him is hard to put in words. I miss him so much. He would have been 10 years old this year.

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One year later to the day on February 18 2005 I gave birth to my daughter Melah. She just turned 9 What a blessing!! I have a angel above and one here with me. She has such a huge personality and brings me so much joy.

So the month of February is a reminder of what matters the.most to me. My purpose is so clear

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Oprah launches LIFE CLASS for Single Moms but ends up promoting Tyler Perry movie

Oprah launches Life Class for single moms

BIG NEWS: The Single Black Mom blog, which covers topics, reviews products and offers support for single moms, has recently acquired http://www.TheSingleMomClub.com and will hosts events geared toward single moms around the country.

Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant are capitalizing on the life and times of single moms. On their new Life Class, the duo speak with single mothers raising fatherless sons, and help them to overcome the challenges of being an only parent. Expert Roland Warren, from the National Fatherhood Initiative, joins the conversation about this crisis, which affects more than 10 million women in the United States.

Together, they think they are addressing the three things every single mother must know, discuss the importance of emotional relationships between children and their fathers, and share the best ways to support sons struggling with feelings of pain and anger, but sometimes it feels they spend too much time ignoring Single Black Moms.

Oprah life class on single moms
It is a little offensive that she never cared about us before, uses the class to promote Tyler Perry’s movie, then makes the plight of today’s single mom be about millionaire actress, Nia Long.

The White single mom and celebrity single mom just are not the same as the real single mom, most of who happen to be Black.

To prove this point, consider the article written by one White single mom who attended the taping described it like this: “I was a friend’s guest for the taping of Oprah’s Life Class, with Iyanla Vanzant. The topic was “Single Moms,” so, I was a fit.

I have struggled with what I want to say about my experience. Just underneath the fun of “out of the ordinary”-ness, and the splendid time spent with one of my favorite new friends, my truth about the experience feels a little scary to share because, well, it’s Oprah y’all. And I live in Chicago. She’s a Beacon of Light to so many people, and it is hard to say anything negative about someone held in such high regard by so many, myself included.

But I promised myself I would find a way to write my truth, even if it is uncomfortable. I promised myself I would be honest, even at the risk of ruffling some feathers. I promised myself I would always aim for the bullseye of kindness with my words. And just this morning, I made the decision to (TRY TO) keep the language rated PG-13. No promises…But this is uncomfortable. Because my day at the Oprah taping left me with a sadness that is still wringing its hands, even today.

The topic of the show was “issues facing single moms today.” And it became clear, very quickly, that not all single mom experiences are created equal. I have a very amicable 50-50 split of time and money with my ex. The venom has evaporated. (sure, there’s an occasional flare-up here and there, but the ball is never dropped where our kid is concerned).

The show’s entry point was “guilt and shame,” which generated a rather joyless conversation about the single mom experience. The dialogue swept all the proverbial crap out from under the bed, and then we collectively stared at the big pile on the floor in the middle of the room. The intention seemed to be to create bonds between women over some super unfortunate scenarios in which the exes were not so kind, or gracious, or even present in their child’s life.

The intention seemed to be to move women through some common sticking points (in a rather dramatic fashion).

The intention seemed to be to sell someone’s book. (We did not go home with a free copy…)

Let’s face it: the day was about making a television show.

To me, the spirituality felt uneven, random, even slightly dangerous. The ideology felt cherry picked, with loopholes that allowed for a little “mean” to sneak out disguised as strength.

Nia Long Single Moms Club Oprah Life ClassTyler Perry was considered an “expert” on a single parenting panel by proxy, having just made a movie with “Single Moms” in the title. (To her credit, actress Nia Long did have some valuable personal experience to share with women in similar situations. But even those credentials felt a bit casual to be offered up in a “Master Class.”)

Women shared insanely personal moments that were then wrestled to the ground in an entirely too public forum for my comfort level. At times I could only look down at my shoes. (Which were, hands down, the least fancy pair in the room)

I found it hard to stay in the muck for so long. From the beginning of my “single” journey, I have craved Onward. I have fought like mad to shake off all that Old Stuff so I didn’t bring it with me into the New Stuff.

At one point during the show, I wanted to stand up, pump my fist in the air and scream, “BEING A SINGLE MOM RULES!! MY HOUSE, MY RULES! NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! BLAMMO!!”

I doubt it would have gone over well, as there was a tone being set. A specific momentum. (A Mom-entum? Stahp!!)

But here’s that happy ending I promised: Once I regained my balance, and lifted my head eyes up from my shoes towards the truly beautiful souls around me…I saw people being touched by what we were witnessing. I saw a group of people moving through something together. The tweets of audience members being projected on the walls were brimming with heartfelt gratitude.

It worked for them.

So I held my clenched, icy fists up to the warmth emanating from the women around me, and before long my sour judgment melted. Underneath the chill of my detachment was a genuine happiness for those around me having what seemed to be a most profound experience.

I am still saddened and surprised by the amount of guilt and shame I heard expressed by so many single moms. Shame at having “failed” at their relationship. (Whaddaya mean “failed??” In my book it feels more like a “Victory” to have wriggled out from under the dead weight of such brokenness!)

But to cast a net of spiritual superiority across the room? Not cool. So now guilt and shame are “greater than” rage? Isolation? Pride? Loneliness? Mmmkay, Ms Kettle…

So here, finally, are my life lesson learned in Monday’s Lifeclass: If it ain’t your battle, stay off the battlefield. Not everything is about you.”

OPEN LETTER TO TYLER PERRY: You can suck it!

Tyler Perry angers more and more African Americans over negative stereotypes of Black womaimage

(www.SingleBlackMom.wordpress.com) – You would think after the years Tyler Perry spent cross-dressing he might have picked up a tip or two about being a woman, but from his upcoming new movie “Single Moms Club” it is clear that he did not.

What else can explain why Perry cast the Single Moms Club movie in such a way that leaves Black women struggling to survive under his million dollar tour bus?

Black America is pissed at Tyler PerryThe depiction of the sole Black woman in the movie is so degrading he may as well have cast Hattie McDaniel herself. According to Tyler’s depiction, she’s too unattractive to get real attention or land true love so she has to literally tackle her man and beat him upside his head to show “how I do…” Neck snapping, tongue-wagging, oversexed – not to mention obese – this character seems to be the way Perry wants the world to see real Black women. Nia Long plays the only role she is ever given: Beautiful, educated, exotic, delicate flower and the rest of the cast is White

WNia Long in racist single moms club movieell guess what, we are sick of the hate, degradation and negativity. Nearly half of all Black people in this country is raised Black a single Black mom and while you find that funny we want you to know this is NOT a game! We take our families very seriously.

Maybe if Tyler had taken the time to talk to us, he might not have forgotten where he came from: A Black mom.

The movie’s sole mission is say Single Moms are just as slutty, just as materialistic and just as big mommy bullies as their married counterparts. It’s a message we simply didn’t need after years of trying to knock down stereotypes. Tyler’s movie, “Single Mom’s Club” hopes to mislead the world into thinking that the real single moms – the ones reading while the sheriff puts an eviction notice on their doors or the one battling child welfare cases because a teacher felt she was too overwhelmed to raise a child alone or the one struggling to food on the table for her kids –

BEAUTIFUL MAMA: New beauty and fashion blog tips for single moms

Vanessa Willams actress hair blog

(www.SingleBlackMom.wordpress.com) – Who says being a single mom means frumpy mom jeans, uncombed hair and flip flops?

Single Black Mom blog is excited to launch our very own “MILB: Mother I’d Like to Be” beauty, fashion and fitness blog. Product reviews. Fashion news. Fitness tips. All on a budget and with the single mom in mind.

This is the only place where you’ll see real moms like VANESSA WILLIAMS letting their hair down to discuss motherhood.

So, join the Single Moms Club and apply to guest blog today!

BLACK HISTORY MONTH: A celebration every day

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(www.SingleBlackMom.wordpress.com) – February 1 – The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which abolished slavery, was adopted by the 38th Congress.

February 2- Alfred L. Cralle (September 4, 1866 – 1920) an African-American Inventor from Virginia, creates the ice cream scoop in 1897.

February 3 – Six time All-Star Bill White was named president of National League IN 1989. Former Saint Louis Cardinals first baseman Bill White is named president of the National League. He is the first African American to head a major sports league.

February 4- Rosa Parks was born on this day in 1913. was an African American civil rights activist whom the U.S. Congress dubbed the “Mother of the Modern-Day Civil Rights Movement”. Parks is famous for her refusal on December 1, 1955 to obey a bus driver’s demand that she give up her seat to a white passenger. Her subsequent arrest and trial for this act of civil disobedience ignited the Montgomery Bus Boycott, one of the largest and most successful mass movements against racial segregation in history, and launched Martin Luther King, Jr., one of the organizers of the boycott, to the forefront of the civil rights movement.

February 5- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar becomes the first NBA player to score 38,000 career points.

February 6 – On this day in 1867, The Peabody Fund for Black education in the South established.

February 7- Carter G. Woodson creates Negro History Week. In 1976 it became Black History Month.

February 8- in 1986 Oprah Winfrey becomes the first African American woman to host a nationally syndicated talk show.

February 9- Bernard Harris, becomes the first African-American astronaut to take a space walk.

February 10- 1964, After 10 days of debate and voting on 125 amendments, the U.S. House of Representatives passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 by a vote of 290-130. The bill prohibited any state or local government or public facility from denying access to anyone because of race or ethnic origin. It further gave the U.S. Attorney General the power to bring school desegregation law suits

February 11- In 1990, Nelson Mandela is set free after serving a 27-year sentence for his anti-apartheid activities.

February 12- 105 years ago (1909) W.E.B. Du Bois, Ida B. Wells-Barnett and other activists form the NAACP in response to race riots and the practice of lynching.

February 13- In 2005, Ray Charles wins eight posthumous Grammy Awards for his album Genius Loves Company.

February 14- (1867) Morehouse College organized in Augusta, Georgia. The institution was later moved to Atlanta. New registration law in Tennessee abolished racial distinctions in voting.

February 15- 1968- On this day Henry Lewis becomes the first African American to lead a symphony orchestra in the United States.

February 16- in 1970, Joe Frazier becomes world heavyweight boxing champion.

February 17- 1891A. C. Richardson, a black inventor, invented the churn.

February 18- In 1688, the First formal protest against slavery by organized white body in English America made by Germantown (Pa.) Quakers at monthly meeting. The historic “Germantown Protest” denounced slavery and the slave trade.

February 19- In 2002, Vonetta Flowers became the first black gold medalist in the history of the Winter Olympic Games. She and partner Jill Brakken won the inaugural women’s two-person bobsled event.

February 20- 1927 on this day Sidney Poitier, who will be the first Africa n American to win an Academy Award in a starring role, is born in Miami, Fl.

February 21-1987 Black Rebellion in Tampa, Florida. African Americans in Tampa, Florida rebelled after an African American man was killed by a white police officer while in custody.
February 22- 1989 DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince win the first rap Grammy for the hit single “for the hit single “Parents Just Don’t Understand.”

February 23- 1895 William H. Heard, AME minister and educator, named minister to Liberia.

February 24-Rebecca Lee Crumpler becomes the first black woman to receive an M.D. degree. She graduated from the New England Female Medical College. Rebecca Lee Crumpler was born in 1833. She worked from 1852-1860 as a nurse in Massachusetts.

February 25-1948 Martin Luther King,Jr. Ordained a Baptist minister.

February 26- 1966 Andrew Brimmer becomes the first African American governor of the Federal Reserve Board when he is appointed by President Lyndon B. Johnson.

February 27- Figure skater Debi Thomas becomes the first African American to win a medal (bronze) at the winter Olympic Games in 1988.

February 28- 1984 Musician and entertainer Michael Jackson wins eight Grammy Awards. His album, “Thriller”, broke all sales records to-date, and remains one of the top-grossing albums of all time.